Sunday, January 13, 2019

And Now For Something Completely Different

My style for erotica is a unique as the journey I have taken, and I don't expect all of you to get it or to be pulled into my world by the words that I write.  For those of you who are however yanked out of your comfort zone and down the rabbit hole of my
desire, I look forward to feed back and messages regarding your thoughts.  Perhaps you will even come to open up in time about your own experiences and together, through our mutual respectful sharing, we can help to normalize the sensual side of our human nature.  The time however for dragging out the inevitable has passed so without further delay,
the intro to...


Sensuous Spirituous





Your energetic presence caresses my soul causing a quickening of my heart; I feel into the energy of the moment and my chest tightens, my throat constricts and my heart begins to pound…

You are here, when only moments before you were a thousand miles away…

The impossibility of the moment skitters across the surface of my awareness and as quickly as the thought comes, it is gone, lost in the sensations of this now.  I find myself wanting to delve into the externalization of this new and unexplored internal flame that burns within in me yet I am frozen and unable to respond. 

A thought comes to me… 

Caress my skin and I might melt in your arms; caress my soul and my heart will surely melt into yours…

So begins the dance with the non-physical…

Sensation is ALL…

Eyes half closed, drowsy… lips slightly parted. 

The air becomes still and the muted flickering light of a nearby candle dances in anticipation of your imminent arrival.

It’s the heaviness I feel that lets me know you are here; the weight of a presence near me, around me, in me, that pulls the breathe from my lungs.  Frozen, waiting; this is where I will remain as long as you are with me.  Hovering on the brink of something intangible and unknowable.

A sharp intake of breathe and a slow release.  All my desires and dreams caught in my throat, suffocating me.

This is what I crave; the crest of the wave, the peak… hovering at a height unreachable by human hands, a height from which I have yet to fall...

My skin tingles eagerly accepting the caresses the night air offers.  My breathing slows and my eyes close… My back arches and I offer myself to the emptiness.  A sigh escapes my lips… I can feel the weight of you upon me and for just one moment I forget myself and reach my hand out to you…
It drops to my side as the feelings continue to wash over me, wave upon wave of sensation…
A thousand finger tips lightly stroke my flesh, a thousand lips caress my body with breathe…
A thousand hands manipulate and massage my arms, my hands, my calves, my thighs…
so I exist in a world of sensation, floating in a sea of anticipation, unshed tears of joy and release shining in my eyes…

you keep me there, refusing to release me…. Floating, reaching…
and this is only the beginning……

Wednesday, January 9, 2019

A new book = a new beginning


I am currently hanging out in the jungles of Costa Rica doing my best to keep my mind focused on being well.  Part of that journey to wellness is I believe in the sharing of the journey.  After 15+ years of living with and studying Fibro, it is in my heart to put the knowledge I have attained into a book.  I have been tossing the idea around for a few years, last night I finally began putting my thoughts on paper.  As to the how and the when of the publication of this particular part of my life, I am playing it by ear, but I offer here to you the first chapter.  Raw - unedited and about as authentically me as it can get.  You who know me often tell me you can hear my voice when you read... I hope sincerely that you cannot also hear the tears.  This will not be easy, as it will dredge up some serious emotional shit but here it goes... Truth - My Synchromystic Healing Journey.


At the moment I am struggling with loneliness, odd given how often I have asked for, prayed for the time and space to reignite my love affair with the written word.  Life though never quite turns out exactly as you think, unless of course you are an absolute master at manifesting your own reality and that is, of course, a whole other topic for another time.  Back to being lonely, and how that all came about.  I have this thing, this medical challenge called Fibromyalgia.  I think maybe if it was only that, it might not be so bad (though that alone is enough to challenge any persons sanity), but when you add in the Myofacial Pain Syndrome, the multiple herniated discs, compressed discs and pinched nerves, my health, and the managing of it has inevitably become a full time job.  My body is decidedly angry in the winter (I am Canadian) and so with the assistance of my supportive husband, with (more than) a few sacrifices behind us, I have been able to come to Costa Rica to wait out the winter months.  He was here with me, briefly, but he has had to go back as bills still need paying.  I can’t legally work here so he is the unfortunate soul who is currently stuck with supporting us both and suffering through the winter months.  I suppose given his current situation  I shouldn’t be whining about being lonely when I have taken up residence in one of the most beautiful places on the planet.  Yet here I sit, fighting back tears and desperately trying to slap away the depression that lingers just on the edges of my consciousness; taunting, teasing, a constant reminder to me that it is always there waiting for me to slip and fall.  As a patient you get told that it’s just another part of the ‘dis-ease’, the condition, the syndrome…  You are encouraged to learn to live with it, to manage it.  Of course depending on the doctor, you will either have your pain treated as a primary concern and your depression secondary, or vice versa. It is an often pondered question when it comes to Fibro and depression, what came first, the chicken or the egg.  A philosophical debate that we can return to later, one doctors for some reason love to argue over.  But to the patients that fight like hell every day just to survive until tomorrow, the real question is not what causes what (since we now know that PTSD causes both)but rather how do we stop it from destroying our lives.  That is the question that drove me to make so many changes in my life that I am unrecognizable to those who have known me in the distant past. It’s the question that drove me to dedicate years (15 ish I think) of my life to studying Fibro and seeking out a healing program that would work for me.  It was the answer, the convoluted, ever changing, always something new to learn answer that drove me to leave my country behind and ensconce myself in the hills of a foreign land to devote an excess of time and energy on the healing and full on recovery of me. And so here I sit, alone, writing to you in a desperate attempt to distract myself, because being so far away from my friends and family is simply too painful to dwell on.