Monday, August 22, 2011

Working It All Out...

Working it all out...

And moving on – or up ... I hope.

And so I sit down yet again at my computer with a whole bunch of crap weighing me down and wondering to myself how I am going to express it all. If you stopped by yesterday to check out our rather long rant on Coffee With Source I imagine that you already have an idea of where this might be headed. If not the option to listen is still there – I am not about to take it down anytime soon because I believe to do so would be to dishonour the very lesson we have been working so hard at learning over the last couple weeks. I want to sit here and write to you about how important it is to be true to yourself and to embrace and own your emotions but I have to again be completely honest with you and with myself and tell you that right now I just don’t have it in me.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Everyday Connection - Reflections - Paxton Robey

I imagine the day had to come, given the heartfelt honesty of our guests, when a story shared would leave me not only speechless, but mildly shaken from the emotions that were stirred up from the intimate nature of the words spoken.

It was one of those rare times on our show where the energy seemed to be subdued, with soften spoken questions and smoothly flowing answers that blended together into a tale told of self destruction, sacrifice, and in the end survival and celebration of a life well lived.

I have sat at this keyboard for the last two days, searching for the right words to use, words to convey the feeling of kinship and deep respect that flowed through me on the night of the show. No matter how hard I tried, the sweet sounding phrases would not come and it was then that I had to do the one thing I dread most when writing; lay down my pen and walk away...

Thursday, August 11, 2011

For The Love of my Home Town

For The Love of my Home Town...


I spent 16yrs of my life trying to get out of the small town in which I grew up because I always thought that they would never understand me. It has occurred to me of late that it is I who was unwilling to understand them...

So I ventured forth into the great unknown vowing to find the excitement and adventure I dreamed of, praying I would find a place I could call home. I went seeking for people of like mind, people who would accept me, all the while hiding my truth from the very people who knew my 'me' better, on many levels, than I knew myself. I broke out of my shell, explored the world around me, journeyed deep into my own heart and soul in an attempt to find some sense of peace, some proof that love existed in our world, some confirmation that my ideas of compassion, acceptance and understanding for all were not so farfetched as to be an unattainable dream. From around the world, creators stumbled, glided, flew and dropped into my life in various shapes and forms and I felt for a while as if I had broken down the final wall and tapped into a secret the world needed to learn. I wrote books, I did video’s, I talked and I shared in a vain attempt to tell the world how amazing it is, to prove to them all that they can, that they will...
Then I grew up...

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

You make a living doing that? The Shameless Author...


I was recently at a BBQ being held by some of my love’s friends. People I had never met, who kindly opened up their luxurious home and invited us in for an evening of fun. This is how I would like to remember them, in fact for the most part I recall them as being extremely giving, generous, outgoing people yet something about the first few minutes of our encounter has made me reflect on how society views people who work in the arts.
My love never hides the fact that I am an author; in fact he is more than happy to share that information with anybody who asks, knowing that my pen is such a big part of who I am, it is a natural part of any introduction he makes. Yet it has occurred to me, that more often than not, the first question asked with regards to my work is not, “what do you write about?” or “where can we find your books?” or even (and yes I know I may be asking too much) “do you enjoy what you do?”; rather it is a very pointed, in your face and blunt referral to societal perceptions about the starving artist syndrome, “So, can you make a living doing that?”.

Monday, August 8, 2011

My Feel Good Blog...

My Feel Good Blog...
Sigh...
Sometimes it just seems that no matter what I do, I can’t seem to find the natural joy that we all know is a natural part of who we are. There are days when it just seems to be too much, when even the little day to day irritations are overwhelming, causing fear and doubt to overpower reason and send me spiralling into a self destructive, self depreciating inner dialogue. There have been many who have offered me tools to use to remain grounded, many who have offered me wisdom and advice, and many who have over the years encouraged me simply to find my own path to inner peace. I tried to do the meditations, I tried to do the visualizations, I tried the baths with sea salt and candles, I even tried my old friend the pen yet still there are moments when even something as personal to me as writing cannot lift me up out of my morbid mood and set me back on the path to feeling good about life.
It is those times when all other tools fail, when there is seemingly nowhere left to turn that I seek the assistance of the universal language of music. I have built myself a top five list of songs I play each and every time I am feeling a little lost.