Friday, June 10, 2011

Close Encounter?

Close Encounter? Hardly – their origins are nowhere near to ‘close’...
From the ongoing saga of FEENX and her strange encounters of a surreal kind I offer up a story that will never make it into the books... (Or will it?) – If you have not read the books then you may have some catching up to do 

Have you ever had a conversation with a Light Being? I mean a full out – I have a million questions to ask and expect to get some answers kind of conversation... Let me tell you, straight up, the answers you get are sometimes not the kind of answers you want to hear.
For our friend Feenx, it had been an ongoing slew of questions that spanned a time line of about two years when ‘they’ finally decided to pop up unexpectedly and offer up some not so easy answers...

Of course as usual their timing sucked as she was in the process of a very long – very hot drive back to her home town. It was a beautiful day, tonnes of sun, great music on the radio and she no desire whatsoever to be interrupted from her inner reflections; unfortunately when ‘they’ have something to say it does not do to argue.
It began with them asking a simple question... “Are you ready now to find out where you come from?”
Exasperation would have to be the word to describe her response, “Really guys, I have been asking you for years and you decide now is a good time? Little busy here, as you can see I am driving, I would prefer to concentrate on the road at the moment. Can we do this later?”
“No,” came the soft reply, “we are here now, we will do this now; you should know better, you don’t need to concentrate to drive, just let your body and mind do what they do and let your spirit talk to us.”
“Fine”, she sighed, “It’s not like you are going to go away is it? Ok, I’ll play... What is it you want me to know?”
“You’ve been asking where you are from, “they prompted, “so we thought to answer that first, then we imagine the answer will lead to many more questions. We have come to answer what we can, with the understanding that we will only tell you as much as we feel at the moment you are ready to accept”
“Ok, so we start with where I’m from,” she played along, “where was I born?”
“Earth,” they giggled, you have to do better than specific.”
“Ok,” she sighed again, knowing them to be often times playful in their responses and in the habit of dragging things out. “Where am I from originally?”
“The same place as we are from...” they giggled again finding their dance around the issue somewhat entertaining”
“Really?” she replied patiently, “Then where are you from?”
“Alpha Centauri...”
The answer was quick, direct and hardly left her a moment to think...
“Seems a tad far to travel, what are you doing here?”
“We’re not there,” they replied, “you are there, we are here; we merely open a channel so we can communicate with you. We however, have no need to actually ‘come’ there...”
“Ok, so what am I doing here? I mean if I am from there and you stayed there how is it that I ended up here?” This ought to be interesting she thought...
“You chose to go there; rather we would tell you that when ‘we’ chose to go there the first time you and many of your kind opted to stay...”
“Well now, wait a minute,” she queried, “what do you mean my kind? Are you also not my kind, if I am from there?”
“Well yes...” they paused, “and no, you and some of what you would call kindred spirits are explorers. It is in your nature to wander and question... Others however opted to go home, either from lack of interest, or due to a shift in interest into another star system or dimension they simply decided to go somewhere else. You however chose to stay...”
“Ok, I can understand that, I am rather partial to the planet and the process of the evolution of life here yet then I am left wondering...,” hmmm, she thought, where to begin...
“Begin with the first question...” they interrupted...
“Ok, why did ‘we’ decide to come here the first time?” she was curious even though she felt she already knew...
“You know that already... but for the sake of the body and mind you share we will go there if you wish... We came for several reasons, we wished first to explore the world here, and it is very similar to our own planet so we felt rather at home here in our early days of venturing far from home... It was more comfortable, less likely for us to get homesick... This was long before the days when we could just telepathically place our energies in any place we wished, we were still relying on technology during those times and it was a long journey even with our space jumping capabilities. We were still dealing with the issues of equating space travelled with time lost. Something thankfully we have gotten over... You know the time and place as well so don’t ask...”
“Lemuria... she nodded to herself, “Yes of course, I remember...I was born there...” Hmmm, she thought didn’t they just say... “you said I was from where you are from...”
“Yes, you are... but your first physical birth was actually on planet Earth although you are of our race of beings, you were born into physical being on the same planet on which you now live. It was choice you made, you were a spirit who lived among us in our world, you were able to shift from physical to energetic state but had never experienced an actual physical birth. You chose to be born here. Do you also remember what it was like there?” they inquired...
“Yes, peaceful... quiet... music... I recall there being a lot of music and food... Why am I thinking of food?”
“We loved food, the flavour and colour of it actually, we experimented much with the natural foods on Earth, it was game to us, a creative way to pass the time”, they explained, “and yes of course, there was always music, not however like the music you know today...”
“No,” she mused “it was much more melodious, natural to the ear, almost a part of the environment... and it was every where... even outside, when there was nobody around to play it... odd that...”
“Well of course, because it was natural and nobody was playing, it was vibration... we had tapped into to the ebb and flow of the energies of the planet, we existed in sync with them... And the rest...”
“Lydia, I was called Lydia, it stood for... “
“It does not matter what it stood for then,” they interjected”, what it matters is what the name represents now...”
“Love Your Desire, It’s Allowed... Live Your Desire, It’s Allowed”... she laughed, “Really guys that seems so...”
“Earth, 21st centuryish... Yes we know...” They laughed with her, “that is the point, the time and place you have chosen to manifest in matters....”
“Ah yes, back to ‘the in this moment’ lesson... Ok, I know, I am here now, I get that, I have been living it... still I have many questions...” she trailed off...
“As we said, we know, that’s why we came...” they paused again as if in thought or listening to something, she got the strangest vision of them cocking their ears towards a sound straining to hear it..., then they finished with...”and because you still do not believe your own inner voice, it would seem for the moment that you would rather listen to ours; so we come to confirm for you what you already know...but then, you know that as well...”
“Yes” she admittedly sheepishly, “there are often times when I feel I ‘know’ the answer yet, the knowing, it scares me...”
“And you would wish to understand where the fear comes from yes?” they prompted her...
“Yes”, she agreed, “if it is that I ought to know these things, why is it so difficult for me to believe, it’s like I remember some of this knowledge from long ago yet...”
“Your memories seem blurry, not vivid or sharp; not real like the world in which you live, a world you can see and touch.” They paused again, “Have you considered why that is; have you thought much of late about your perceptions of reality and what it means to your current life.”
“Yes of course, I already have enough trouble fitting in; so many people think my perceptions to be strange, even dangerous...”
“Really, so many?” they interrupted yet again, “think on what you just said, and reflect on who you have chosen to surround yourself with and the discussions you have daily with your new chosen family; are you really that alone?”
“Alone, with you guys around; not likely” She laughed, “but you are right, I have been blessed recently to be plunged into a world of others like me who see the world in all its multi faceted techni-colour glory, I guess it’s just that I seem to be hung up on the connection of who I was and who I am and the journey that seems to have been laid before my feet long before I could walk”
“Yes”, they agreed, “a journey begun long ago; a journey that must now be completed. Hush now, we know you wish to know so listen to us; it is a story which needs be told, a story you must learn to accept as truth. We first came here millions of years ago, when we were still in the beginning stages of our development. We came as a race of beings, very similar to humans genetically, yet further developed with regards to connection to spirit and oneness with one another. We had learned much through trial and error and our own home planet had long ago done away with war. We were here on a whim, a planet much like our own yet new held much interest to us and so we came and lived here for thousands of years continuing our own development as a race here on Earth. Yet as we grew we also began to recognize the growth of the planet herself and the evolution that was to come; we foresaw the development of humans as it is only natural for nature overtime to choose a part of it to allow to evolve into sentient beings. This has ever been the process of creation, that a world created be allowed to evolve naturally on its own and its spirit to explore independently the power of physical manifestation. Our time here was coming to an end, and our journey home was inevitable yet we were not concerned by this time with how and when we would arrive as we had managed ourselves to expand our knowledge beyond the physical limits of time and space. Some of you opted to stay and live out your physical years here knowing that upon your return to your natural energetic state the choice would be yours whether to remain or to further your exploration of life elsewhere. You Lydia remained, it was, you told us at the time, your chosen path and so it was that you and others of our kind were allowed to stay behind. There were however rules that you had set for yourselves ahead of time, stipulations that must be abided by if you were to live among humans. From that life forward it was expected that you would return as a human, and that upon your return to earth, for each new life lived here you would not remember who you were. You must learn to function as a fully physical being, in its infancy and unaware of its ever present connection, unaware if you would of your ‘God hood’. This would allow you all to collect knowledge first hand of the process of evolution, a process we ourselves had gone through yet had long lost the understanding of. Your world was now Earth and although when you were as Lydia your next life would be vastly different from life as you now knew it, it was a challenging task that you undertook, though we expected nothing less than total success, we realized that it would be ages before we were able to assist you in any way. Only when you came back to us in between lifetimes were we able to share your experiences with you, and there were long stretches of time where to you it seemed you were without family. We watched of course, always close by but unable to interfere even to guide; we could do nothing for you but have faith that your people would survive and in time come to know us as we have always known you.”
They paused and she was unable to take this opportunity to speak, it was it seemed too much yet Feenx remembered the messages she had already received and struggled to understand; it would seem that these beings she had always considered to be older brothers and sister were in fact her long lost family yet if that were true then... “I am not really human...”
“You are, spirit manifested into a human body, which is as all humans are, yet you are among those who have manifested physically as another race prior to your experiences here so no your origins are not human yet you, as you are now, are more purely human than you have ever been. You see there is much magic in being human, though they would not recognize it, their ability to be seemingly disconnected for so long and still manage to survive, evolve and even dare we say flourish denotes an inner strength and purpose that we had not previously understood; humans as they are and have always been are the ultimate survival race, against all odds they managed to evolve from a space of total connection with source to a place of complete disconnection to return to path that will lead them back to complete connection. Yet in them is something unique, as it is that they are it would appear going to becoming completely and utterly connected and integrated with source while maintaining a physically manifested form. This is something that is as far as we know that has never been done. For as much as we are able to travel through space and time, there are still realms into which we cannot go, dare not go, as our vibrational wavelength is no match for those places and it would either destroy the world into which we wished to enter or destroy us upon entry. So you see, even we as evolved as we are have our limits. We can project our thoughts, our ideas and our being into these places, but to manifest there physically would spell disaster. Humans on the other hands seem to developing into a physical being that may be able to go anywhere, at any time. Still there are many challenges ahead for humans as a race and only time as you know it now will tell, yet we foresee an interesting outcome...”
“Ok, “she spoke slowly,” so the 24million year’s old thing....”
“Was accurate, that is approximately your age, although we stopped celebrating your birthday long ago... you will forgive us we hope for not keeping track, after the first couple millennia it seems a mute point...” She got the impression that they were teasing her and could only sit there for a moment agreeing silently that yes she would imagine that after a couple million years a simple thing like a birthday might seem inconsequential...
“Projecting our thoughts is how we communicate, but this you already know, the histories however you do not. Not as you are now... We did have concerns, that a sentient race in its infancy might stumble upon our civilization and would therefore be inadvertently affected, and their natural evolution altered. You see we knew that evidence of our race must be destroyed long before humans ever evolved to the stage where they could be affected by any technologies left behind so upon our departure we got rid of any trace of our time spent here, then laid false trails for humans in the later stages of their development to find. We allowed them to discover the possibility of ancient beings, and through their own understanding they developed the many legends and myths that surrounded our first visit here to Earth. Lemuria and Atlantis, though having existed, did not exist as many believe them to have and the stories of their fall into darkness and the devastating consequences that went along with the fall were based on human understanding. The truth of who we were is yet to have been either discovered or revealed...”
“But why?” she demanded, “Why would our people, as advanced as they were, allow these lies to perpetuate? What good has it done for the truth not to be told?”
“It was our understanding that humans were simply not ready, for them to develop on their own meant that they must not have prior knowledge of what it meant to be a creator, of what it meant to have infinite knowledge and power. As for the stories, they become legends then myths only through the telling of ancient tales passed on to each new generation. It made sense to the humans for many generations that an advanced culture might destroy itself as the result of greed and ambition; a story designed as a warning to others... It assisted in their development and understanding of the inner workings of their own s societies and prevented them from developing too quickly. We accept that this may not make sense to you now, yet think for a minute on the implications of a newly born race of beings knowing that they had no limits to their potential and that their actions would never be judged. They would be completely responsible for their own salvation or damnation long before they had any true insight into the burdens of that responsibility. Without the idea that they were being watched, without rules to guide them, without fear of destruction what would have been the outcome??”
“So you did interfere”, she accused them, “You set them on a path and allowed them to walk it, hell, you even pointed the way...”
“No, it was their own perceptions that lead them to their current state, it was their own development of their understanding of their world; this was all their doing. Had we come and told them the truth, had we offered a glimpse into their possible future too soon, then that would have been interference. We did not, we allowed things to play out over time often amused at their various stages of development and the somewhat confusing way that they interacted with each other and their world; we learnt perhaps as much watching them grow as they did in the process of growing”
“To what end?” she demanded again, “For you to allow so much death and destruction so that you might further your own understanding of evolution?”
“No, no....” they spoke gently, “They would have done regardless of whether or not we were watching, and their path was already laid before them long ago by a force much greater than us. They come from the spirit of the very earth herself, also a physical manifestation of the co-creator sprit of the one who fathered us all... She is the other half so to speak, His mate and without the two of them together none of us would exist... but that is not important. What is important is that you understand their path was laid before them long ago, as we would remind you, was yours...”
“What path? You speak of universal creation yet you speak in terms of a human journey...” she sighed, “it is confusing...”
“For you sister they are intertwined as they have always been. Each physical being is an extension of source, some going so far back as to be hardly traceable in terms of human understanding. Long before you came here as one of us, and millions of years before you opted to take on this human journey you were something more...”
“Sure like 24 million year old alien is not enough? Are you kidding me...? Really? What the hell could possibly be more than? Oh no no no... Hold up...” She barked a sharp laugh almost to the point of hysteria, “you can’t seriously expect me to believe...”
“Believe or not”, they sounded overly patient, a tone reserved for speaking to a stubborn child throwing a tantrum, “We are not here to convince you of anything, that is not our job. “
“Well then” she shouted, “what is your job!!!” “You come here and dump all of this on me, and then you imply that I’m... no screw that I am not going there... What ... what do you want?”
“Only that you understand that for now none of that matters... We came to answer the questions you have been asking; no more, no less. Who you were then, is not a question you are ready to ask therefore we will not venture forth with an answer. Who you are now however is an entirely different matter”
She wondered how she could be freaking out so badly while they remained so calm, she noticed their voices had never risen; softened at times perhaps but never become sharp or impatient.
“We do not become impatient,” they explained, “we have no need as we are not limited by time there is nothing really for us to be impatient about...”
She put her head back a little and rested it on the seat only briefly tuning her mind back to the fact that she was still driving, yet as fast as the realization came it was gone again and the physical experience for the moment seemed a distant concern. “Ok”, she took a deep breath, “you speak of a journey, a path... you are referring I can only assume to a human destiny... yet you make reference to something much greater than humanity. Please tell me, where are you headed with this?”
“Your people,” they began, “have come to a crossroads, and the time has passed for them to make a choice. Thanks to you and others of your kind they have set themselves on a path to self discovery and the danger for destruction will not come again yet they are still very much in the early stages of this their later development. Many of those who have come before have left clues for them, you yourself have left them with several legends birthed from your previous manifestations here that they may feel the need to fall back on and explore a deeper meaning of. They are changing; as a result of their desire to evolve the very core of who they are is shifting to higher state of consciousness. It only stands to reason that their physically manifested beings also shift. You have heard of the changing DNA structure of humanity and you understand the need for a more crystalline make up in order to allow for an increase in energetic flow. You have also discovered the creation of hybrids, a mixed race of human and alien DNA brought to Earth to enhance this evolution...”
“And so you admit, yet again. You interfered”... she shook her head... “You know for all powerful light beings you certainly are good at telling untruths”
“No... Again we did not interfere”, they paused as if considering their words, “It is part of the natural evolution of their race that they become what they are becoming, and we discovered it when testing their DNA...”
“Oh, so kidnapping humans and doing tests is not considered inference?”
“Not when they have no memory and their physical and emotional being is not damaged or altered; now hush, there is much more to this and you at least are still affected by time... almost every time you have chosen to manifest in physical form you have chosen a body that is naturally created out of the union of a human man and woman...”
“Hold on...” she interrupted again, “What do you mean almost...”
“Oh, well there have been times when it was necessity to the survival of your race to introduce an advanced human into the world, but that is of no consequence for what we need to share with you now...”
“Oh really?”, she forced the issue, “You don’t interfere but you mix DNA, you experiment on humans and you are now telling me that you create advanced life forms and introduce them into the population? And this is of no consequence?” Are you crazy?”
“We do what is needed at the time, now enough of this please...” Their tone still remained the same yet she sensed that if she did not quiet down they may stop speaking. “Yes exactly that”, they agreed, “We will simply leave and come back when you are better prepared to hear this.”
“Well” she concluded, “I am never going to be ‘ready’ to hear this so you might as well continue”
“Thank-you... Now as we were saying... There have been a select few manifestations of source energy that were directly born into a prepared body that was embedded as an embryo into a living human woman; of course there have also been those who have just kinda shown up but we are not here to discuss them either. For the most part however you have all managed quite well with being born into regular human bodies, with no special powers or skills other than what the human body can already do. For centuries this has worked wonderfully as your strength of spirit has always overcome any physical challenges that you may encounter. Yet in recent years it has become ever more acceptable for humans to poison their own bodies with chemicals introduced into their foods, their water and in fact into the very air that they breathe. The planet we know will recover, the human body however may not do so well unless it finds a way to adapt. So far you have all done nicely yet we had some concern that these habits you have of putting things into your body that actually stop your natural regenerative process rather than enhance it may interfere with your next stage of development. Therefore we introduced a couple thousand years ago a few different families of hybrids, for which the bloodline and the gene pool has been passed down generation to generation so that during this great shift in consciousness there would be those of you who had within you a more natural ability to connect to and conduct universal energies. The parents of these blood lines were again manifested spirits dating back millions of years who came into being as genetically engineered and implanted embryos. You of course are a child of that bloodline which is why it is so easy for you to communicate with us...”
“And so...,” she could not believe it had taken this long... “We come back to that...”
“Yes, of course, the bloodline that you yourself stumbled upon through your studies, the bloodline that is still argued over today as to whether or not it exists and the bloodline that until recently has been grossly misunderstood by those who would seek it out and destroy it, very same bloodline that some have been sworn to protect at all costs... Yes of course it would come back to that, but then you knew that as well; what you did not understand perhaps is what it meant and why you chose to manifest into the body of one of your own descendents.”
“Well that twist things just a bit doesn’t it, my own descendents...” she looked up to the heavens mumbling to herself...”I thought we were not going there...”
“We are not; again it does not matter...”
“If it did not matter then why all the clues? Why the trail of information, the random encounters, the messages and the warnings? Why the symbolism, the crest, the pendent? Why, if the histories do not matter and do not have any impact on this time why would I bother to lay all that out before coming?” As much as she was trying to remain calm, this was just simply too much, with all she had been shown and all she had found, she could not deny what they were telling her - yet to accept...
“Yes, to accept... that is why... All of what you have set out before you in this life, all of the clues that you laid before your own feet before coming here were so that when the time came you would come to accept; as it is, unless you accept you will not have the inner strength and the power to do what is it you came here to do. The power is your birth right but you must take it, accept it and become one with it; if you continue to choose to deny who you are then you will remain as you are now and live a long happy life among the humans you have so come to love yet the inner light that you are will never get the opportunity to truly shine and in time you will feel trapped by this life. You know already what happens when you try to play by their rules, to live as they live, to be as they are... You know what will happen to you if you deny this... The choice however remains yours... Again we tell you we are not here to force this on you, we are only here to answer the questions you have asked and to reassure that you are not alone...”
“Oh for goodness sake” she moaned, “I am well aware I am not alone...”
“Yet you still find this topic”, they paused again, “uncomfortable”
“Hell yes, of course I do, my inner me is screaming at me to accept all that you have said yet your occasional implication is that I am here on some kind of mission... you are equating my many lives in the past with some pretty serious life altering events, and there is the smallest hint to some kind of superior being buried deep down inside me that simply does not compute with my knowledge of the human being and their own potential for greatness...” she growled,” so no, I am sorry if I am being difficult but I simply do not accept the ‘saviour’ scenario you seem to be laying at my feet for me to pick up...”
“Throughout the history of humans there have always been heroes have there not?”...
“Yes, of course there have, but” she added, “not this time, this time they were meant to save themselves....”
“Ahhhh...perfect... You see, you do remember....Yes, they are and they will or rather they have. The choice has been made, the human race as it is will survive and evolve into a race far beyond any we have previously encountered and in as much as there is a long wait ahead to see where this all will lead we have also come to the understanding that evolution is expediential and therefore the more they advance the more quickly they will advance. Still, there are a few things that need be done and you and others like you have come to make sure they are – tasks if you will, that once completed will restore the balance and allow for a smooth transition into the next level of understanding.”
“Wait... what tasks?” she queried confused... “I do not know of any tasks...”
“You will know when it is time for you to know... Until then just simply be and continue to follow the path you have laid before you. We do not expect any grand gestures or miraculous events at this time, that is not and never has been what you have come here to do. We do however expect the story be told and that humans as they are to come to appreciate their value and their worth not just here on earth but on a universal level”
“Their value and worth universally?”, now there’s a stretch she thought, “How is it you expect them to accept the impact they as a race will have on the universe when they can barely understand the impact they have on each other? You ask too much...”
“And this from one who loves them more than she ever loved her own race....”
“Now that is not true...”, she said defensively, then the realization hit her, as much as she had often longed for home she had memory of the choice being given many times and each and every time she had chosen to remain...”
“So, you see, why it has been allowed for you to stay... your love for them overshadows your love even for the place from which you come, for your own kind... You and others like you have nothing but care and compassion for this place; you are connected to it and as such will have the most powerful impact on the lives you touch. Your passion for life as a human is your power here in human form, it is what defines you and makes you different from all the other non-humans who reside here...”
“Other non-humans?” They just had to keep throwing crap like that at her, “What other non-humans?”
“The one you live with for example... Oh come now, you think we do not know who he is? An Earth elemental yes? A protector of the Mother... His kind. They are not so fond or your precious humans, they see too much destruction to trust that the process of evolution will overcome the human’s natural tendency to war with themselves and the planet. You and your kind however see past the now, you are creators; you work in terms of potentials and probabilities... You do not see limits therefore you fully expect humans to ‘get it’ and change their ways. You and your kind have overcome fear and doubt though many of you are also deeply connected to the planet as some of you are direct descendents spiritually of her, some even manifestations of the Mother spirit itself. You and your kind were able to rise above what was seen and venture into the unseen by way of feel; gently you have guided them out of a time of darkness and into a time of light, you have won... You should be very proud of what you have accomplished, what your humans have accomplished. “
“Please stop calling them ‘my humans’”, she groaned, “It just sounds wrong...”
“As you wish, but they are you know, in as much as you have been with them from the beginning... No matter, we sense it makes you uncomfortable and again it does not pertain to the matter at hand...”
“Good, Great...” She sniffed, “now do you think we can actually get to the matter at hand? Why am I here”...
“Because you chose to be here...”
“Good, Great...”she sniffed again, “What is it exactly I am meant to do here?”
“That’s a pretty broad statement you know”...
“Our answer remains the same; you are here to live...”
“I know I may regret this but the only logical question I can come up with after that is why?”
There was a stillness and complete and utter silence... Then...
“It is only in the living of a life in total acceptance of connection to source, in the living of a life knowing your past, your present and your future, in the living a life in balance with who you were and are, it is only in living a life in completeness as an integrated blended being that the example may be set for others to do the same...”
With that they were gone and she came crashing back into herself, slamming as it were into her current reality. She was still driving down the same road, tunes still cranked on a gloriously sunny day. Nothing had changed, except perhaps a few minutes had passed since she had last looked at the clock. She wondered if she would ever get used to their strange way of coming and going; she wondered if she would ever get used to living in a duality, knowing what she did and living among those who for the most part did not. As she came back to herself she realized that life as it was would not be any different even with so many answers offered and so many more questions now in her head. She could not alter the future; all she could do was deal with the now and at the moment that meant getting home and going about the task of being a mom. Though she realized that somehow she had miraculously not gone off the road she wondered if she would get over this feeling of being hit by a semi before she had to pick up her daughter and get on with her day.

*Note for those are new to the site – Feenx is a wandering spirit who has jumped into life with both feet, confused at first by the things she was learning through her various interactions with the random strangers she encounters as well as her new found relationship with Source (the Creator – God – whatever you wish to call it) she continued on her chosen path of self discovery. Not always willing to admit, much less to pass on what she had learned, it became more and more of a challenge to balance her normal everyday life with her life as a spiritually integrated being. Both novels are a glimpse into the journey that one takes into self and both novels, though written as fiction, contain a great deal of truth within them... *

Niki Norlock, author of Truth - My Synchromystic Journey

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