Monday, January 31, 2011

So my first novel was called Truth – and my website is feenxrising...

Put them together and what do you get?
In my eyes the responsibility to both tell things as they are and make sure that I always add an element of inspiration because the Phoenix was a bird of re-birth – She may die, burn up but always she comes back full of renewed life and strength.  I chose her for a reason, because I believe that though we may get knocked down often in life we must somehow find a way to get back up.
Thing is though, I tour the internet and I don’t always see honesty with regards to how people are feeling and I wonder is it helping?
I honestly think that if every single person out there knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that no other stood above them then the world would be a better place.  I honestly believe that if every single person out there was able to see their worth, to let go of their shame, their inner pain then the world would be a better place.  I have seen what happens when people embrace the truth of who they are without fear of retribution or judgement; the results are beautiful and powerful.  I am also living proof of what happens when you do not...
They say fear and guilt can be dangerous things; they taint the soul, numb the mind, damage the body, and sometimes kill the spirit within.  When we don’t listen to our hearts, when we do not act on what our hearts tell us is right and true for us we cause a blockage in our ability to communicate with that within us that is most powerful and our most blessed tool.   There is in innate ability within each and every one of us to connect with this spirit, to connect with our own selves and come to a mutual agreement and understanding with ourselves that allows us to live free of fear and guilt.  Often however we find it difficult to let go of life as we knew it and jump into life as we would wish it to be.
Fear of failure is a seemingly insurmountable barrier to finding our truth.  Fear of not being up to the task, of not being worthy or good enough to impact in a positive way the lives of others... And then comes along the wise old man who says “it’s not them you should be worried about, it’s you that matters”.  I love you dearly wise old man and I am doing my best to listen and pass on your words of wisdom.  When he comes along, and speaks these words of wisdom perhaps it may be best to listen.  While I am lying on my back laid up from this silly little health issue I do have a surprisingly excessive amount of thinking time.  So I have been thinking...
Two years, I busted my butt to work on projects for the benefit of others.  Now please understand this was done only because I was inspired by a people who have an ability to see light in the darkest places, inspired by a people who have a burning heart’s desire to help and love all those they come in contact with.  Those people are still part of my daily routine, in my heart I think of them often and they are part of the reason I never gave up.  For that reason I will continue to bust my butt for them and their work so that their light and love may go out further into the world and work its own magic at inspiring others.  For that reason I will continue to honour their example by being the best me I can be so that I may share that me with others and do my part to heal our damaged world.  Sadly however along the way, some others came along who saw what I was willing to do for the benefit of others and they latched onto that idea, in order to take advantage of and use it for their own benefit.  Apparently for some my talents were a way for them to further their own goals and personal aspirations.  Fortunately for every single one of them – (and they know exactly who they are so no names be mentioned here) there were ten of you – my friends – my readers who come along and offered love, support, guidance and a gentle helping hand.  For that I will be forever grateful because I do not think that without that I would have survived.  I did however do the one thing that was perhaps the most  unhealthiest of actions for both my mind and my spirit; so shocked and hurt I was by the betrayal of those I trusted that I forgot for a time to appreciate all that I had already accomplished, all that I had done and all that I am.  I became angry, and bitter, full of resentment for those who would hurt me.  Try hard as I might that anger was something I could just not let go of, and it ate away at me like a disease.  To add to my despair I felt guilty about being angry, being a writer of spiritual and human truths I have often been taught and passed on through my work that it is healthy for us to forgive. Why then knowing this to be a truth was I not able to do it? With that came an element of shame and confusion as I struggled with my own imperfections.
 I read blogs and writings full of light and love and I think to myself ‘really truly are these people happy all the time – how is that possible’ then I realized it is probably not the whole picture.   Somewhere along the way at sometime in their past they too have felt pain and guilt, and have found a way to get around it, let go of it and move past it.  That perhaps has been my failing that unitl now I really had no intention of finding a way around it – I was content simply to ignore it and by ignoring it expected that it would go away.  It didn’t...
Yesterday I wrote about gratitude and I did so because it was only after three weeks of lying I bed in intense pain that I realized that I had better get back to being thankful for everything I have seen, done and learned or I was going to be stuck where I was for much longer than I wished to or have time to be.  So that was my first mission, list the things I am thankful for, take time out of my day to acknowledge those things and focus on them.  My strength started to come back, enough that I could again write and through my writing begin to heal.   I believe that part of the healing process is to also acknowledge the hurt and the pain, not necessary perhaps to relive it; this I do not believe will help, but to be aware that it is there.  I am talking of course about the pain inside, doubt, fear, hurt and anger; a pain that if not dealt with can manifest itself into a physical pain that will if not treated have a lasting  and detrimental effect on you connecting with your you. 
So as part of the healing process I am going to go back to the basics and walk through them with you.  Yesterday was gratitude – today is acknowledging and letting go of the things that may be stopping you from moving forward.  As I said, you should perhaps try not to relive them, but you do have to recognize them and in doing so you may be able to find ways to deal with them.
If your pain is coming from others who have used or abused your kindness and good nature you have to remember first and foremost that you cannot control others actions.  All you can do is control your reactions to their actions.  I know I have said this before but since I have forgotten myself from time to time perhaps it is something that should be repeated.  Nor do their actions make you any less of a person, sure you might have seen it coming, your instinct may have been to run and you might not have listened to that warning but then maybe there was something you needed to learn out of it.  In my case I believe it is partly a lesson in balance, that I not give more of me to others than I can afford to give. For as much as I speak of the importance of balance – the need for light and dark – male and female – good and evil – I do not live my own wisdoms.  Hypercritical – perhaps - or merely just the very human act of a young woman who is still learning as she goes.  I go full tilt, on whatever I am working, putting all my time and energy into that thing, forgetting to take time out to stop and enjoy the simple little pleasures of life, the wonders of this world in which we live.  Then I end up flat on my back, sick as a dog wondering how I got here.   I have to find the balance, a balance between my desire to help others and maintaining my own health and wellbeing so that I may actually have the strength to continue to help others. 
I also have to let go of the decisions that others have made, allow for the very real fact that those are their choices and not mine, allow for the very real fact that their choices are choices that they have every right to make, because it is in the end they who will have to live with the consequences and not I.  If I continue to judge them and be critical of their actions, if I continue to focus on things that I believe to be of a negative nature then that negativity will in effect become a very real part of my life and as it has been proven will no doubt do a great deal of damage to my will to carry on. 
If your pain comes from what you have done to others, if it comes from a deep seeded guilt for your own past actions and deeds then it is important also that you forgive yourself.  Important that you understand that in this world inhabited by humans there is not one of us who is perfect.  Many perhaps who pretend to be, many who would have you believe they are pure, all knowing and wise beyond their years.  If however you were to look into their hearts you would see that truthfully they too are just like you and I.  Mistakes are made and in my experience I have yet to meet a true master of self who is not fully aware of their own personal imperfections.  Accept them and learn from them, work at not repeating them. If you have done something to another for which you feel guilt begin the healing by admitting this thing to yourself and in time you will find also the strength to admit it to them. You may find to your surprise that they will forgive you much more readily than you have been willing to forgive yourself.  That however is perhaps a whole other blog...
So yesterday I said to make a list of the things that you are grateful for - and I do hope you still have it.  Today I am going to ask that you bring to mind the things that have hurt you – write them down then get out your favourite tool for the making of fire and burn it.... I mean it, burn it up (best done outside if you are able if only for the fact that it will feel really good to watch the wind take your troubles away) and with that symbolic act let go of your anger and your fears, your hate and your resentment.
It is a simple trick. Tried tested and true and very old to go through the physical act of acknowledging that which ails you spiritually and in a physical manner letting it go.  If you prefer, flush it, or put it in a balloon and let it float away – whatever works for you to signify you’re releasing of that which makes you tense and otherwise unhappy and unwell. 
Two very important factors that come into play here, First – as we go through this process together – and we will go through it together – since I am currently still in a great deal of pain and flat on my back in bed – we have to want to get better.  I am deadly serious about this, there must be a deep desire within your heart to let go of that which ails you, to let go of where you now are and become who you wish to be.  You have to make the conscious choice to make the effort and take the steps to heal.  Secondly and this is of the utmost importance you and I, we must be honest with ourselves, completely open with us about who we were, who we are and who we know in our hearts we are capable of being.
Then we will go through the process of getting back to us, step by step using the guidance and teachings of all those out there who have given of their time and effort to help me get back to being me.  These tricks, they are not all mine; I make no claims of being the genius behind the creation of self healing.  No I am only passing on what I am learning, and it will be a combined accumulation of the wisdoms of others passed on in a simple form from one who is going through something very similar to what you are now going through.
If you wish to know why, it is merely because I made a promise to me that no matter what I go through, no matter what adversity I come up against I will work through it and write about it so that others may find comfort in the knowledge that they are not alone.  The world is not always light and love, there are moments of darkness, moments of doubt and it is in those moments that we need most to grasp the very real fact that we are never ever alone.
So again I put this out there and expect that it will get into the hands that need it, expect that it will be passed on so that others may find it.  After all what is experience worth if it may not be shared.
Jean Victoria Norloch

No comments:

Post a Comment