Monday, January 31, 2011

The Balance...

Cry if you feel like crying – that was her advice – Write the truth about your feelings even if they are not filled with light, you don’t have to share them but who is to say it will not help others for them to know that they are not alone.
Smart lady I am thinking and once again blessed I am to have her in my life.  Of course she is not the only one these days who seems to be sharing this wisdom and so perhaps it is in my best interests to stop and listen to the meaning behind the words.  Another friend, who spent an afternoon doing his part at advancing my healing shared with me his observations and in the sharing encouraged me also to take a deeper look at my own.   I mentioned in another blog the importance of acknowledging that which upsets us.  As I spoke to my friend and told him my story I began to get angry, but it wasn’t long before the anger turned to tears and as the tears flowed he offered gentle words.
“You see now don’t you, that behind all your anger there is a deep underlying sorrow; a sadness that needs to be addressed and dealt with if you are going to find your way past this place in which you are stuck.”
We discussed the fact that often there are a multitude of blogs and wirings focussing on light and love but seldom do we see an honest representation of human emotions.  We wondered who it is benefitting to pretend that we are not creatures of feeling, who it is helping to pretend that life is always full of light.  Another piece of advice then came to mind that I think I had misunderstood until now.  Another much respected friend had offered a help full hint with regards to my troubles,  something I think perhaps now as I dive deeper into the why of where I currently am is an important lesson for us all and one that makes a great deal of sense.  He had told me not to give into my emotions, not to let them overcome me or control me.  At the time I took it as a warning to not accept anger, hate, fear as part of my world; I took it as instruction to work at forcing them out of my life.  Love he said when I asked is not an emotion; it is a state of mind so it is acceptable to live in love; not so he said with hate, fear or sorrow.
When I look back now however and combine his words with the advice of others I have grown to respect and trust I realize that shutting these things out entirely can be extremely dangerous to our advancement spiritually.  As many of us accept that we are a marriage, a joining of the physical and the spiritual it does us a great injustice to ignore that within us that is human.  Often we hear how important it is to strive for a state of peaceful acceptance of all things, and this I do not deny is what we are all working towards yet to get there we must understand a few things about ourselves that are not so often discussed openly.  As much as forgiveness of self and forgiveness of others is extremely important it does not do to beat ourselves up when we are not able to reach or live in that perfect state of calm all the time.  I think that too often we push aside our true feelings about a situation due to our desire to live in a state of harmony, we ignore the things that hurt us and we forget that in our human state it is quite normal to feel pain or fear.  Yes of course there will be times when all is aligned as it should be and we will feel so powerful and at peace that nothing can harm us yet what happens when we back track? What happens when we lose that feeling and come crashing back to the reality that for the moment we still live in the world in which we live and in that world there is still suffering and loss?  It can be a crushing blow if we have somewhere along the way convinced ourselves that it is not longer acceptable for us to be affected by the things that happen to us or in our world.  That is where the danger comes in; a danger at not accepting that sometimes we are affected and that we must be aware of who and why we were affected in order that we might learn from the experience.
You can choose to ignore your feelings but in doing so a few things may happen.  First they may become buried so completely that you may not be aware that they are affecting you spiritually or physically.  Once buried you might have a bit of trouble digging them back out once you get to the point where they have affected you so much that they are damaging your ability to move forward. Once you finally manage to dig them out (and you will have to actively search for them, face them and force them to once again come to the surface) you will have to deal with them; which means you are no further ahead than you were when you first began to feel them.  Second, you may actually begin to act on those feelings but being as they are buried deeply you may not be aware of what you are doing.   This too may slow or stop the healing process, it may even in fact set you to moving backwards from where you are, as if you are acting on feelings that you are not prepared or willing to accept as your own you may inadvertently take an action that you will in the future find yourself regretting.  It becomes another vicious cycle that needs be both addressed and stopped; difficult to do if you are unaware that it is happening.  Your feelings then if ignored come to have a power over you, as they direct your actions and reactions without you being consciously aware; you no longer give yourself the option of having a choice, and as choice is the basis of all that we do and are when you take away your ability to choose, you take away your ability to live as you were meant to live. 
I don’t believe for one minute that it is in any way healthy to ignore our feelings or to pretend that they do not affect us.  It is living a lie and though the argument has been made by many that it is also not healthy to allow the actions of others to control or direct our emotions and well being; let’s face it, here in this life, in this reality we are human and as humans we feel a fantastical range of emotions. It is in fact one of the beautiful things about being human, this ability to feel.  All of this boils down to one little thing that we often do not discuss or explore; the reason that we are so set on ignoring the emotions that are such an integral part of being human in the first place; fear.  Is it perhaps that we fear them? Do we think that if we accept them as they are that we may lose control of who we are?  Is it that we think that it is a step towards perfection on a spiritual level for us not to feel?  Even in the bible it is written that Jesus himself felt fear and doubt, and He is held by many in their hearts to be the purest example of human perfection that ever lived.  If He felt fear why then are we also not allowed to feel fear? 
The power that emotions hold over us is not in the recognition or acceptance of them as part of our life, it is in our choosing to ignore them and push them away.  Accepting them allows us the power to choose to act on them, or to not act on them; ignoring them as I explained takes that power away.  Just because somebody hurts you does not mean you have to act out of anger towards that person, it does not mean you have to seek out revenge or take action that may in turn hurt the individual that first hurt you.  You have that choice, yet choosing not to act on your anger does not mean that you have to ignore the fact that you are angry.  If you are – you are – and you have every right to be...
Fear in all shapes and forms stop us in our tracks, prevents us from following our dreams, living true to our nature and existing in a state of honesty.  Fear of accepting and embracing our human emotions is no different and in the end may be more dangerous to our state of wellbeing than any other fear; to fear our emotions is to fear ourselves.  To fear ourselves is a sure fire step onto the path of self destruction, a path that none of us wish to walk...
In all our teachings about being true to our purpose, all our studying about being true to our hearts, all the work being done now to encourage others to accept who and what they are we sometimes are so focussed on telling others how beautiful they are, how filled with light they are, how much of a blessing to our world they are we forget sometimes to tell them that we mean exactly as they are not as they interpret us to wish them to be...
So my friends in order to honour the part of us that is human, the part of us that brings balance to that part of us that is spirit; I am passing on some words of wisdom...
If today you are sad, even if you don’t know why, if today you find that tears seem to come unwanted or even unwarranted to your eyes, if my friend you feel today as if you want to cry - go ahead, cry... trust me in this world of humans who feel  - you are not alone.
Jean Victoria Norloch

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